None of these things should happen and they’re all bullshit. But here they are:
I’ve heard some say they bullied because they had an “alpha” moment with the other person. So they pick on people because they have a big ego and feel the need to unjustly put someone else down or dominate someone else, because in their mind they’ve rationalized/assumed that they’re better than the other person? That doesn’t sound right. In fact, that makes no sense. You don’t know if you’re “better” than someone else or not. And even if you are, that doesn’t make it right to pick on them, or make their life miserable.
Bullies are Relentless
It’s harsh enough to pick on someone even once, but multiple times? Consistently and often? And when they’ve probably already had too much of that in life as is? It’s not enough for bullies to win and humiliate their targets. They want to bury them alive. You ever see kids pick on other kids? Notice many of them keep bullying until the person cries? Why even let it get that far? Notice that some people don’t start to empathize with someone else or say good things about them until they are extremely ill, disabled, or dead? You can’t be decent to people when they’re alive and in tip top shape?
Another thing I hate is that bullies insist on continuing to be in your face and part of your life/world as much as possible. Even if you know they’re bullying you and they know you hate them because of it. A lot of them refuse to leave you alone even though at the absolute minimum they owe you at least that much (honestly they owe you more but we’ll start with that). The assholes will just keep talking to you, making conversation with you like everything is normal. Now some of them will stop and leave you alone if you say the right thing or even just tell them. But some persist further than that. And at that point, it’s adding salt to the would. It’s bullying on top of the initial bullying. It’s additional torment.
The Way People Look at You
Obviously bullies will give you nasty looks and unpleasant non verbal communication. But so will bystanders who see the bullying. People judging you, sizing you up. and of course all without saying a word, but you know what they’re doing. And sometimes you don’t have to be bullied. Some people will just judge you and make assumptions about you right away based on your looks.
Some people will give you harsh looks if you didn’t mean their crazy expectations. And what’s frustrating is they won’t say a thing.
And looks of pity are the worst. It’s good to support someone and empathize with them. But pity just makes people feel worst. And especially if you communicate your pity for them non verbally.
These mean looks are disrespectful.
Getting Off the Hook/Non apologies
I’ve seen a lot of assholes who will be mean, and then later it will be apparent that they have regret and feel guilty. But they handle it in the wrong way. They’re extremely immature and selfish about it. Instead of taking the initiative to approach the person, deliver an AUTHENTIC apology, admit wrong doing, and reassure the person it won’t happen again; they will act in a more passive aggressive manner. They will usually try to start a conversation with you about some abstract topic that has nothing to do with the conflict. They’ll have a cheesy smile as if they’re being friendly (unlike before). They’ll walk past you with an innocent and sad look on their face (trying to non verbally get your approval and forgiveness because they aren’t mature enough to just talk to you). This is not mature. This is how a small child behaves. I don’t appreciate some asshole trying to indirectly force themselves on me because they (rightfully so) feel bad about how they’ve treated me, so instead of talking to me about it, they need to behave like an idiot.
They’re also hypocritical and selfish. They’re just thinking about their own ego and self-preservation. The victim obviously doesn’t have to accept their apology and could still tell them to fuck off. The asshole doesn’t want to give the other person that power and be in a vulnerable position like that. But why not? The bully put the other person in that position when they mistreated them? It’s only fair now that the shoe is on the other foot.
And people are proud, egotistical assholes. People don’t like to admit when they’re wrong. Because it makes them feel bad. But of course the bullies have no problem at all making others feel bad. See how selfish that is? To admit you’re wrong also gives the other person the moral high ground and that you did something stupid/unintelligent. And of course a proud, egotistical asshole doesn’t want to give their target any advantage at all or admit to incompetence. But this is exactly what they deserve and what SHOULD happen.
People Don’t Take You Seriously
Also noticing that some people are always laughing at you, making fun of you, or just not taking you seriously shows that a lot of people just don’t respect you. Even if you try to talk to others about how they treat you or you take it to management; they just laugh, get sarcastic, or dismiss the bullying as joking, or that you’re overreacting, or being overly sensitive, or taking it personally. And they’ll make sure to laugh or smirk when they say it.
Stand Up for Yourself. Well…….Not Really
People always make victims of bullying out to be passive cowards with no backbone to stand up for themselves. This is usually not the case. For some of us who are socially unlucky, when we stand up for ourselves, things often get worse. You can get in trouble for causing a scene or using inappropriate language, even though the bully was treating you horribly (which is way, way worse than causing a scene or using a 4 letter word). What was the person supposed to do? Take the disrespect for the sake of keeping the workplace quiet and serene? You see for some, other people actually discourage you from standing up to the bully, because they have a special need to play peacekeeper; rather than doing the right thing and defending good people from those that are evil and will bring harm to others. The usual logic in conflict is that there’s 2 sides to every story, both people are saying some truth and some lies; while the truth is somewhere in the middle. BUT SOMETIMES, 1 PERSON ACTUALLY IS TELLING THE TRUTH, WHILE THE OTHER IS COMPLETELY FULL A SHIT.
And some judgemental assholes will give you mean looks if you stand up for yourself, because THEY DIDN’T EXPECT THAT FROM YOU. How dare someone try to discourage you from standing your ground because you didn’t follow the script in their mind of how you were supposed to act. If someone is making your life miserable, you are not obligated to remain civil (even if others have that expectation of you). They’re not being civil. Where’s the rigid, unreasonable expectations for them? I would think a reasonable and rational person would understand that? But I guess not everyone is reasonable and rational, and common sense ain’t so common.