Common Themes for Victims of Bullying

None of these things should happen and they’re all bullshit. But here they are:

 

“Alpha” Moments

I’ve heard some say they bullied because they had an “alpha” moment with the other person. So they pick on people because they have a big ego and feel the need to unjustly put someone else down or dominate someone else, because in their mind they’ve rationalized/assumed that they’re better than the other person? That doesn’t sound right. In fact, that makes no sense. You don’t know if you’re “better” than someone else or not. And even if you are, that doesn’t make it right to pick on them, or make their life miserable.

Bullies are Relentless

It’s harsh enough to pick on someone even once, but multiple times? Consistently and often? And when they’ve probably already had too much of that in life as is? It’s not enough for bullies to win and humiliate their targets. They want to bury them alive. You ever see kids pick on other kids? Notice many of them keep bullying until the person cries? Why even let it get that far? Notice that some people don’t start to empathize with someone else or say good things about them until they are extremely ill, disabled, or dead? You can’t be decent to people when they’re alive and in tip top shape?

Another thing I hate is that bullies insist on continuing to be in your face and part of your life/world as much as possible. Even if you know they’re bullying you and they know you hate them because of it. A lot of them refuse to leave you alone even though at the absolute minimum they owe you at least that much (honestly they owe you more but we’ll start with that). The assholes will just keep talking to you, making conversation with you like everything is normal. Now some of them will stop and leave you alone if you say the right thing or even just tell them. But some persist further than that. And at that point, it’s adding salt to the would. It’s bullying on top of the initial bullying. It’s additional torment.

The Way People Look at You

Obviously bullies will give you nasty looks and unpleasant non verbal communication. But so will bystanders who see the bullying. People judging you, sizing you up. and of course all without saying a word, but you know what they’re doing. And sometimes you don’t have to be bullied. Some people will just judge you and make assumptions about you right away based on your looks.

Some people will give you harsh looks if you didn’t mean their crazy expectations. And what’s frustrating is they won’t say a thing.

And looks of pity are the worst. It’s good to support someone and empathize with them. But pity just makes people feel worst. And especially if you communicate your pity for them non verbally.

These mean looks are disrespectful.

Getting Off the Hook/Non apologies

I’ve seen a lot of assholes who will be mean, and then later it will be apparent that they have regret and feel guilty. But they handle it in the wrong way. They’re extremely immature and selfish about it. Instead of taking the initiative to approach the person, deliver an AUTHENTIC¬†apology, admit wrong doing, and reassure the person it won’t happen again; they will act in a more passive aggressive manner. They will usually try to start a conversation with you about some abstract topic that has nothing to do with the conflict. They’ll have a cheesy smile as if they’re being friendly (unlike before). They’ll walk past you with an innocent and sad look on their face (trying to non verbally get your approval and forgiveness because they aren’t mature enough to just talk to you). This is not mature. This is how a small child behaves. I don’t appreciate some asshole trying to indirectly force themselves on me because they (rightfully so) feel bad about how they’ve treated me, so instead of talking to me about it, they need to behave like an idiot.

They’re also hypocritical and selfish. They’re just thinking about their own ego and self-preservation. The victim obviously doesn’t have to accept their apology and could still tell them to fuck off. The asshole doesn’t want to give the other person that power and be in a vulnerable position like that. But why not? The bully put the other person in that position when they mistreated them? It’s only fair now that the shoe is on the other foot.

And people are proud, egotistical assholes. People don’t like to admit when they’re wrong. Because it makes them feel bad. But of course the bullies have no problem at all making others feel bad. See how selfish that is? To admit you’re wrong also gives the other person the moral high ground and that you did something stupid/unintelligent. And of course a proud, egotistical asshole doesn’t want to give their target any advantage at all or admit to incompetence. But this is exactly what they deserve and what SHOULD happen.

People Don’t Take You Seriously

Also noticing that some people are always laughing at you, making fun of you, or just not taking you seriously shows that a lot of people just don’t respect you. Even if you try to talk to others about how they treat you or you take it to management; they just laugh, get sarcastic, or dismiss the bullying as joking, or that you’re overreacting, or being overly sensitive, or taking it personally. And they’ll make sure to laugh or smirk when they say it.

Stand Up for Yourself. Well…….Not Really

People always make victims of bullying out to be passive cowards with no backbone to stand up for themselves. This is usually not the case. For some of us who are socially unlucky, when we stand up for ourselves, things often get worse. You can get in trouble for causing a scene or using inappropriate language, even though the bully was treating you horribly (which is way, way worse than causing a scene or using a 4 letter word). What was the person supposed to do? Take the disrespect for the sake of keeping the workplace quiet and serene? You see for some, other people actually discourage you from standing up to the bully, because they have a special need to play peacekeeper; rather than doing the right thing and defending good people from those that are evil and will bring harm to others. The usual logic in conflict is that there’s 2 sides to every story, both people are saying some truth and some lies; while the truth is somewhere in the middle. BUT SOMETIMES, 1 PERSON ACTUALLY IS TELLING THE TRUTH, WHILE THE OTHER IS COMPLETELY FULL A SHIT.

And some judgemental assholes will give you mean looks if you stand up for yourself, because THEY DIDN’T EXPECT THAT FROM YOU. How dare someone try to discourage you from standing your ground because you didn’t follow the script in their mind of how you were supposed to act. If someone is making your life miserable, you are not obligated to remain civil (even if others have that expectation of you). They’re not being civil. Where’s the rigid, unreasonable expectations for them? I would think a reasonable and rational person would understand that? But I guess not everyone is reasonable and rational, and common sense ain’t so common.

Dumb Girls

I’m talking about dumb girls that supposedly like you, but instead of just telling you or at least being nice to you; they tease or and are really mean to you. I ABSOLUTELY HATE BITCHES LIKE THAT.

For one thing, it’s usually girls who are unattractive that are like that. So they’re ugly and they’re obviously bad people with no sense of ethics if they can’t even treat people right. And I’m not looking for a dumb broad who’s just out to play games, be manipulative, or “test” the guy that she likes. That’s fuckin stupid. These bitches are stupid and I HATE THEM. That’s bad logic. So they like a guy, but they want to drive him crazy and make his life miserable by picking on him and being mean to him? They want to make life hard for him? That’s bad logic and it makes no sense. That’s not someone I would want a relationship with. That’s someone who I consider my enemy.

There is no Such Thing as “Tough love”

The phrase “tough love” is one of the biggest oxymorons I’ve ever heard. Basically some people just like to be mean, so they just try to put a positive spin on it to make it look like they’re doing something good.

People have rationalized by being what they call “hard on someone”, that’s a good thing. You don’t want to be nice to people. That would be being “soft” And apparently being “soft” is one of the worst things you could do. They may as well just make a law against that. People spend enough time criticizing, berating people, and getting outraged about it. They’re obviously morons who are outraged by people wanting people to be nice to them and treat them with respect. Yeah, I can see why people would think that’s so “soft” and be outraged by it. People get pretty upset and defensive about their right to be mean and aggressive (or tough) with others.

If I express grievances about bullying like I do on this blog in person, some asshole will want to show me some “tough love”, and tell me to change my attitude, become a “stronger” (as if it’s weak to say you don’t want to be bullied anymore) person, not to be so sensitive, and not to take things personally. Well when someone is mean to you, it hurts. It’s demoralizing and beats you down psychologically. It is personal. You’re ruining their quality of life and being harsh with them. And they’re completely missing the point when they say that. It’s not even about whether the behavior is personal or not. It’s about whether it was right or wrong. Was it mean, did it hurt the person, did they deserve to be treated like that, can you do the right thing and talk to them or apologize? Meanness is still wrong whether it’s personal or not. The idiots also say don’t take things too seriously. So when someone is bullied, they are supposed to act like Krusty the Clown. For the person on the receiving end of the behavior, they are supposed to pretend to laugh to make the bully more comfortable even though they’re hurt or absolutely broken? There is nothing remotely funny about bullying and IT IS SERIOUS. It has serious consequences for the victim. And it’s a serious miscarriage of justice when bullies get away with it scott free (and they almost always do). Someone once told me “you have no sense of humor”. Well not about being picked on. What a sick fuck, to pick on people and then make it seem like a harmless joke.

It’s insensitive when someone confronts a bully or reports them and they just get told crap about “taking it too seriously/personally”. You just minimized the bullies actions and added salt the wound of the victim. They’re basically saying that the bully wasn’t wrong. The victim is expected to “take” disrespectful behavior in a way that is acceptable to the bully and others around him/her.

Bully Parents are notorious for being advocates of “tough love”. Well if they bully their kids, they obviously don’t really love them at all. Bosses who bully will do this too. They do it to make them look tough first of all. It boost their ego and reputation with some to feel/look tough rather than to appear “soft” since that would just be such a terrible thing. Being tough with others (even when unnecessary) is showing strength, right? I mean, you don’t want to come off as a “pussy”. You want show people you got the balls to be tough with other people.

Apparently, people think that it’s a good thing to “push” people to be what they consider an improvement. And people will make excuses for them too. “Oh, they’re just being “hard” on you or being “tough” on you to get you to do better”. No they aren’t. They’re being mean inappropriate assholes. Don’t try to paint a positive picture of how they’re behaving. And you certainly shouldn’t feed their ego by calling them hard or tough, because that’s exactly what they want to hear. I know there are some people that think it’s an “improvement” to be shallow, judgmental, insensitive, athletic, “cool”, and able to indirectly seduce women with strange indirect communication. But some people are more down to earth and authentic, and they LIKE being that way. Some of us like the way we are and reject the popular wisdom as far as superficial “improvements” that society thinks we should do. When you “push” people to do what YOU THINK is better for them, you actually just frustrate them, drive them nuts, waste your time, and end up pushing them away.

Also the assholes tell people that they are helping people in the long run by being tough or “hard” on them. “Oh it builds character, makes them stronger, keeps them on their toes”, etc. None of those things are true. The popular wisdom is that bad experiences make you stronger. Bullshit. When it comes to bullying, if anything bad experiences make you weaker. The experiences are only bad for you. Nothing good comes out of it unless the bully is punished and brought to justice, which rarely happens. There is no evidence or science that proves that horrible experiences that demean, humiliate, and traumatize people make people stronger. That’s nothing but horse shit society feeds you to justify the bad things that happen to you in life. People should be have empathy for others rather than this make-believe “tough love” crap.

It’s Not OK To Bully Just Because You Were Bullied

I’m appalled, shocked, and offended by people justifying, rationalizing, and making excuses for bullying. Instead of empathizing, supporting, and being on the side of the victim (the good side); they side with the person who’s making someone else’s life miserable.

People will explain, “oh it’s ok. You see they just treated you like that because that’s how they were treated”. And they make it sound like once they say that, that everything is all good. No, it’s not. First, that just explains WHY they did it. But IT WAS STILL WRONG. They still need to be held accountable and shouldn’t be able to treat people like that with impunity. Second, that’s still not morally justifiable. Just because someone mistreats you and messes up your life doesn’t make it right to do it to an innocent 3rd party. Everyone has the ability to use common sense. If the 3rd party didn’t mistreat you, they obviously don’t deserve to mistreated the same way or worse.

Bosses who are bullies and bully parents will use this excuse a lot. You’ve probably heard abusive bully parents make the excuse of “we did that because that’s how we were brought up”. But that still makes no sense at all. A good person with intelligence would know not to subject someone else to the horrible behavior they experienced. And they would especially know not to justify it if they did it. They would admit that it’s wrong and that they shouldn’t have done it. And doing something your kids because your parents did it to you is not morally justifiable. If the idea is for your kids to grow up as healthy kids and to become healthy adults, then it’s obviously not in your best interest to do that. I hate when people say that. That’s the equivalent of telling a person that it’s their fault that they were raped, when it clearly wasn’t their fault. The perpetrator decided to do that on their own, themselves. And they alone are responsible for what they’ve done to you. If someone is that much of an idiot to make a choice to raise kids, but then ruin the kids’ life, then they shouldn’t have made the decision to be parents. They should have given the kids up for adoption, foster care, or to live with other relatives who will hopefully actually care for the kids and be good parents. Abusive bully parents are the scum of the earth and absolute shit.

Also bully-parents will use other adults and relatives to back them up and gang up on you to further demoralize you. The real bad narcissistic ones love seeing their kids suffer and not have any support at all. For them their kid is either an extension of their egos or a human punching bag for them to take their aggression out on. Parental bullying should be illegal. These people belong in jail and deserve to rot in hell. Any boss who bullies his/her employees should be immediately demoted and/or fired. They too deserve to rot in hell.¬†And of course there are peers that will do this too. People that will bully someone of lower social standing than themselves even though they were bullied. These people are absolutely despicable. Rather than using common sense and having some ethics and wisdom, they choose to become evil like their tormentors were. That’s stupid and it’s not morally justifiable.

 

Women Are Racist (In dating)

Growing up, I didn’t think that it would be hard to date outside of my race. I thought that most people were at least open to it nowadays. But I see that I was wrong. Most women prefer to date men of their own race. This applies to all groups of women, but especially black women and white women. And I’m focusing on these 2 because these are the 2 groups of women that affect me the most. I’m black and I prefer white women. Because black and white women overwhelmingly prefer their own race of men, that often presents a problem for me. Often times the women who are interested in me are black, darker skinned women from other groups, or unattractive white women. But the women I’m more attracted to are usually white women and lighter skinned women from other groups.

Black women will approach me, talk to me, let me know in one way or another that they are interested. If I was interested in them, all I would have to do is take them. I wouldn’t even have to work that hard for it. But the good-looking white women usually aren’t interested in me. Most of them are cordial if it has to do with business. But they’re not usually romantically interested in me, or even interested in being close friends with me. With them if any contact is made at all, I’m the one that has to approach them, start a conversation, and let them know I’m interested. And of course they won’t be interested.

That’s not fair. I would prefer if the black and dark skin women generally ignored me and acted as if I didn’t exist; and that the good-looking white and lighter skinned women talked to me and were interested in both romantic relationships with me and close friendships. That’s not fair, it should be the other way around for me. That would work better and I’d be much happier. There are some good looking black women (and obviously there are ugly white women), but generally speaking I am less attracted to black women than lighter women. I prefer the style and beauty of the good looking white women. I guess black women have style and beauty too, it’s just that there’s isn’t that attractive or appealing to me.

And on the flip side of the coin, most men are more open to dating outside of their race. A lot of black, Asian, Indian, and Polynesian men are like me, and they like white women and lighter women. And white men like Asian and Hispanic women, along with white women. The exception is Western Europe which tends to be a little more progressive and open than the rest of the world on interracial dating and marriage. Especially when the combination is black/white. In Western Europe, white women are more open to dating black men; and black women and white men are more open to dating each other. Not like here in america where both groups are cordial with each but particular about not dating interracially.

I would prefer if white and black women weren’t so goddamn racist in their dating preference and insistent about only pursuing men of their race. I know everyone can date and be interested in whoever they want, and I don’t wish to force otherwise on anyone. But it’s annoying when black women who I’m usually not attracted to are presumptive and just have to come talk to me. I wish they would just go talk to someone else instead. Black women don’t need to jump for joy or go coocoo for cocoa puffs every time they see me. The pretty white women are supposed to do that. Not everybody’s just about dating their own race. And what’s wrong with the pretty white ladies getting romantically involved with me? Why are black and white women so insistent on their race of men? So much for the feminist view that men are usual perpetrators of racism. It’s outrageous if women hate men of other races and pretty much don’t want any contact with them other than brief cordial communication for business. Black women and white women are racist and perpetuate racism. They apparently have very stubborn racist beliefs that people should just date their own color (Not all women obviously. I am generalizing just a little bit. This post does not refer to all women, or all white and black women. I’m generalizing a bit based on my own experiences).

 

Therapy Is Bullshit

Whenever people are having trouble with life, society says that the answer is therapy or counseling. On the internet, it says there is an apparent difference between the 2, but for the purpose of this blog posts, I am going to refer to them interchangeably like they are 1 in the same. I consider them the same anyway. Society recommends that people seek so-called “professional help” as in sitting down with a licensed “professional” who is supposedly an expert in mental health and talk about your problems with them. They portray as the perfect solution. And they portray that and those suicide hotlines as if those “services” are so caring, compassionate, sensitive, and as if they will really help you. Most often they do not.

Of course, it depends on who you talk to but most of those “mental health professionals” don’t care and won’t actually help you. I’ve seen over 10 therapists. I only really felt comfortable with 2 of them. And only 1 of them was good, helpful, and understood my type of problems. But honestly, I even had a problem with those 2. 1 of them was argumentative, and she was wrong about what she was arguing with me about; and the other was argumentative with me over something very personal. She admitted the people who were mean to me were in fact mean, but at the same time she justified, excused, and defended their mean behavior. She told me to continue associating with the perpetrators and to “forgive” them for their behavior, and that I shouldn’t even ask them for an apology. She said she thinks sometimes people depend on apologies too much. I wasn’t depending on it but it’s the right thing for them to do. And when she told me those things, she betrayed me and it was like a knife to the heart. I’m coming to counseling and opened up to a complete stranger about people who’ve made my life an absolute living hell; and instead of empathizing for me and being on my side and an ally to me (even though she was before the last 2 sessions we had), she decided to go and be on their side and defend them and their mistreatment and disrespect of me. It was betrayal. And at least in that moment, she was a bully too, because she was argumentative about it. And ironically, she was the best one I saw, by far.

There were other counselors that justified the bullies’ mistreatment of me. There were some that were understanding though. It’s ironic that society and the media portrays counseling and hotlines as something that is so caring, supportive, and helpful; because I’ve some experiences with these people where they smirked, laughed at me, and were mean to me in these interactions. So counseling did not help, it frustrated and angered me even moreso. Some counselors are aggressive and insensitive also. And when they make fun of you or try to fuck with your mind indirectly, it’s insulting, and makes you feel embarassed for even going to counseling. But isn’t that what society recommends when you’re having a hard time in life?

Therapy also has some dumb social norms. For one, some therapists will stare at you in silence for long periods of time. And that’s extremely uncomfortable. Anywhere else in society or when you’re talking to someone, when is that acceptable? Nowhere. What is everybody taught by the time they are about 6? That it’s not polite to stare. So you obviously shouldn’t do it when someone is talking to you about your personal problems. It’s extremely uncomfortable. I even asked some of them not to do that, and they still did it anyway.

In seeking help with my mental health, one thing that I was expecting was some empathy, understanding, advice, and to have an honest, direct, mature conversation about my issues. A few of them told me that therapy is “a very professional relationship” and wanted to emphasize to me that me and the counselor are not friends. Well that’s true and I already knew that so there wasn’t a need for them to tell me that. I would’ve been the first to tell them we obviously aren’t friends because we don’t even know each other. Plus most of the counselors I saw were middle-aged, so they were much older than me, and I’m usually not looking for friends of that age anyway. But I have a problem with them saying that to me.

Just because it’s a “professional relationship” doesn’t mean that the counselor can’t be empathetic, understanding, give some sound advice, and have an honest, direct, and mature conversation with me about my problems. You don’t have to be friends with someone to do that. And that’s obviously why I was going to counseling and what I wanted to achieve. And it would’ve been nice of them to do that. Second of all, even if you’re in a social setting where you and the other person KNOW that you aren’t friends (and especially one where the person is telling you that they are depressed because they are lonely and without a support system, and bullied all the time), it’s kind of mean to tell the client that you are not their friend. It’s sort of like you’re rejecting them and they weren’t even looking to be “accepted” by you in that way to begin with. Because I think most everyone knows that they’re mental health counselor isn’t their friend. But they are supposed to be their advisor, mental health doctor, and be there for support of the person’s issues. And it’s pretty much common sense that your doctor isn’t your friend. You don’t need to insult the person’s intelligence and prematurely reject them by telling them “we’re not friends”. I told 1 counselor that and the bitch replied, “you may have an extreme sensitivity to rejection”. She was fucking asshole. And I explained to her I wasn’t trying to be friends with my counselor. She also insulted me and told me I was too sensitive. I was actually going to counseling because I have problems with being insulted. Some counselors are bullies themselves. That’s unbelievable. That shouldn’t even be possible.

A lot of counselors are the religious types that basically use mental health as a cover just to get people to become christians which is bullshit. They call them faith-based counselors. More like fake based counselors.

Some counselors don’t actually give advice. They just ask you stupid questions to insult your intelligence and try to “guide” you to the answer. I think about my issues a lot. If I just want to question myself, I can do that on my own time without paying for it. And it’s insulting to have people talk to you like that.

One counselor was a horrible listener. Wouldn’t stop cutting me off. I asked him to and he agreed. 2 sessions later, he went right back to it. What a dick. I asked him again, and he just accused me of being anxious. He never actually answered me, and obviously kept interrupting. And I was going to counseling to get help with bullying, not to continue to be bullied. Also I told the dickhead’s supervisor and she didn’t care or do a goddamn thing about it, or even apologize for the dickhead acting like that.

That’s the other thing, there is no customer service or understanding in counseling. You have a problem at a store or a restaurant, you can talk to the manager or customer service and they can help you or at least apologize for the incident. In counseling, the bastards don’t give a damn and sometimes even justify the actions of the bully counselor.

And I made it clear to them what my goals were: that I wanted a solution to stop being bullied, and consistently defeat the bullies or at least keep them at bay. Most of these therapist assholes just basically tried to convince me to change my way of thinking rather than actually proposing ideas, advice, or realistic solutions for stopping bullying. Most people aren’t going, don’t want to, and/or can’t change the way they think. And for good, innocent people who are being bullied, they shouldn’t have to. If anyone should have to change the way they think, it’s the bullies themselves. They’re the evil ones who are ruining people’s lives everyday. It’s also patronizing and insulting to tell someone to just change the way they think when they’ve been suffering at the hands of someone else. Changing the way you think isn’t going to stop people from disrespecting you. You can pretend to look at it another way if you want to, but the bully won’t stop, and everyone around you watching will still know you’re being picked on and disrespected. It’s a waste of time to pay money just for some asshole who doesn’t give a shit about me to tell me I just need to change the way I think or the kind of person I am. I like who I am and how I think. That ain’t the problem.

And the annoying thing is that counselors will not directly tell you they want to change the way you think. They will use indirect communication and stupid ass insulting questions to let you know. They’re manipulative and it’s unkind to be manipulative. It’s also unkind to be indirect.

And one time I called one of those hotlines. A few times they were good. But the last time I called the person I spoke to was dumb. I asked her for advice. She said they don’t give advice and that they were just there to listen. And then she told me, “don’t let them tell you that you don’t matter, you do matter”. But I never said I didn’t matter or that someone told me I didn’t matter. She just made that up out of the blue. She must not have even been listening when I was explaining my problem to her. So much for those hotlines providing “help” to people.

I’ll play devil’s advocate for a moment, but to a point perhaps they can’t help you. Even a good counselor (if one even exists) can only advise you, empathise with you, and talk to you so much. But they clearly can’t control what happens to in the world. They can’t control or even influence how people treat you. You can have all the counseling you want, but if assholes want to bully you, they will. Or at least they’ll try.

It’s actually the opposite of what they say the purpose of it is. Therapy actually exacerbates your problems, makes you hate people even more, and makes you more suicidal; because many of these “professionals” are mean, unkind, manipulative, cold hearted bullies themselves.

Because of this frustration with therapy, I’m actually even more frustrated with my issues and with people in general, knowing there actually isn’t any real help out there. Some people are doomed to have these type of problems their whole lives. And the perpetrators get off scott free, with IMPUNITY.