In a lot of environments, like high school or if you work in certain environments; bullying is more direct and obvious. But after childhood in certain environments, it is more subtle. Bullies will disrespect you in subtle ways and of course people won’t want to discuss it. If other people see it, they won’t want to have a real conversation about it with you either. They will just do something indirect to make themselves feel better.
And I hate when people stare at me with looks of pity or disgust. They don’t say anything, they just look at you. That’s nonverbal, indirect communication and it’s annoying as hell. People don’t like looks of pity. It makes people feel even worse to know that others “feel sorry for them” because it makes them feel pathetic and like others think they’re pathetic. What’s the better alternative is RESPECT. Even if you feel bad for someone, maybe support and respect them, instead of feeling sorry for them and giving them dumb looks. And as far as I’m concerned looks of disgust is bullying also. You’re still being mean, just nonverbally now.
And the bullies and their peers will talk about you behind your back but not actually talk to you. So no one ever actually discusses it with you. And I didn’t realize that bullies were about being clever and guile with the people they pick on. They will say horrible things about you, but then when you confront them about it, they will just lie or claim they don’t remember or didn’t do it. And then they’ll continue doing it and make fun of you confronting them about it also. So you see they just like to find ways to be mean to their targets, and get away with it, and of course so they can win, and the target can’t fight back or win against them. And they’re not willing to be civil, do the right thing, and have an honest conversation with you about how they’ve treated you. The beguiling, indirect bullying is the worst.
When someone is mean to you in front of others, obviously everyone knows about it. If the bully is popular and cool with other people, they will discuss their hatred for you with their friends. This in turn may influence their friends to dislike you also. Even if you and their friend haven’t ever had a problem with each other. And people are full a shit. Every now and then, mean and insensitive people will actually feel some guilt over the way they treat others. But they react to this in very immature ways. Rather than just walk up to the person, directly discuss what happened, apologize and reassure them it won’t happen again; they will discuss with their friends that even though they hate you, they feel guilty over how they’ve treated you, and they will act fake nice to you. It could even be something as small as opening the door for you, saying hi and acting very cheerful with you, talking to you about something that has nothing to do with how they’ve treated you (sports, etc) or “helping you out” if you need assistance. Basically they and they’re dumb friends will patronize you which just adds salt to the would in terms of their bullying of you. I hate bullies and when people mistreat me, so if they don’t want to give an authentic apology, I would prefer they just fuck off and not talk to me.
Real Talk 